A person coming in to a treatment provider in need of help often experiences a myriad of emotions that can rapidly change – often from hour to hour. This isn’t necessarily unusual, particularly if they believe or perceive their illness or condition as severe, threatening their on-going wellbeing, or life-threatening. They have a deep need for empathy. We need to cultivate a reverence for Life that will spill over into the lives of each person that God puts into our path.

Fear

• A common fear is of prolonged pain, disablement, or prolonged painful death
• Our culture has developed an extremely “pharmaceutical” mentality – many patients now feel that there simply must be a pill or treatment for every single ailment or disorder. Quite often, sad to say, there simply is no quick fix. No “magic pill” that will solve all their problems like in a 1-hour TV episode.
• They get suspicious when told that there is no immediate solution, “is the doctor telling me everything?” or they wonder if services are being withheld from them. Fear can switch to almost a type of paranoia
• We must strive to assist them to truly understand the condition we are treating them for, and the ramifications of the treatment we are suggesting – in order to do this we need to develop and maintain a closer relationship not only with the patient – but with God
• Another common fear is fear of loss of control
• Patients desire to have input – maintain the right to make decisions, to allow their families to have input, but not completely take over
• People do better with the known than the unknown – even if the news is unpleasant, frightening, or even dire – more information and honesty – with compassion – will be more helpful than keeping information from them on the assumption that it would make the patient “too anxious”. What makes patients more anxious is the feeling that they are out of control of their own lives.
• Fear of becoming a financial burden – they don’t want to become a stressor for their spouse, children, or community. They don’t want to lose homes, possessions, etc., that they’ve cherished their whole lives. But illnesses can be devastating, and insurance is sometimes very bad, and things can change very quickly. Need to be aware.
• Fear of being alone – for many loneliness is the worst affliction. Many sick patients have no visitors. They seem to wither and shrink in on themselves. Depression, despondency. Can affect treatment, ability to recover, sap remaining strength, shorten lives.

The antidote for fear is HOPE – Faith in God is the Pillar which we lean on

The Beginning Phase – Bargaining – hope for a cure, hope for more time, hope for no pain, hope for family to come rally around, hope for a miracle…. Etc….

St. Faustina wrote in her Diary: 1208 “May You be blessed, O God, for everything You send me. Nothing under the sun happens without Your will. I cannot penetrate Your secrets with regard to myself, but I press my lips to the chalice You offer me.”

Regrets – are very normal – patients with very serious, life threatening, or end-of-life illnesses will quite often go through an “examination” period. Keep communication lines open. This is very typical behavior.

Depression is not uncommon – it is often minor – sometimes accompanied by anger. Let the patient vent, encouragement is quite often less effective. Be supportive.

Acceptance – here is where we can help them understand Divine Mercy

Family

We need to appreciate the “gift of time” – so often we take everyday life for granted. St. Faustina said in her Diary: 62 “O life so dull and monotonous, how many treasures you contain! When I look at everything with the eyes of faith, no two hours are alike, and the dullness and monotony disappear. The grace which is given me in this hour will not be repeated in the next. It may be given me again, but it will not be the same grace. Time goes on, never to return again. Whatever is enclosed in it will never change; it seals with a seal for eternity.”

• School, work, etc., these are important, but they are not the be/all, end/all of life
• Be kind, be merciful
• Love is the most important part of life
• Love everyone – “love thy enemies” – love is different for each person you meet.

Different types of love were defined by the Christian theologian/writer C.S. Lewis as “The Four Loves”

Affection (storge in the Greek) is fondness through familiarity, especially between family members or people who have otherwise found themselves together by chance. It is described as the most natural, emotive, and widely diffused of loves: natural in that it is present without coercion; emotive because it is the result of fondness due to familiarity; and most widely diffused because it pays the least attention to those characteristics deemed "valuable" or worthy of love and, as a result, is able to transcend most discriminating factors. Ironically, its strength, however, is what makes it vulnerable. Affection has the appearance of being "built-in" or "ready made", and as a result people quite often come to expect, even to demand, its presence--irrespective of their behavior and its natural consequences.

Friendship (philia) is a strong bond existing between people who share a common interest or activity. This definition of friendship is narrower than mere companionship: friendship in this sense only exists if there is something for the friendship to be "about". It is the least natural of loves; i.e., it is not biologically necessary to progeny like either affection (e.g., rearing a child or uniting a family or society), eros (e.g., creating a child), or charity (e.g., providing for a child). It has the least association with impulse or emotion. In spite of these characteristics, it was the belief of the ancients (and many modern theologians, too) that it was the most admirable of loves because it looked not at the beloved (like eros), but it looked towards that "about"--that quality that because of which the relationship was formed. This freed the participants in this relationship from self-consciousness. Because the more they were looking towards something beyond or above themselves, the more those who were looking towards that thing with them were welcomed with the same sincerity, which freed the relationship from jealousy. And although this type of love may not be biologically necessary, it has, "civilization value". The quality that is seen, that which is beyond or above themselves may be of monumental importance to society. But without the benefit of friendship to blunt the loneliness of "being the only person who sees this", or the idea that two heads are better than one, many advances in society may never have been embarked upon. The relationship is by its nature selective, and therefore, exclusive. This characteristic is not detrimental per se, but the idea or goal towards which friends strive need not be altruistic. The innocuous ideas may simply be the cause of pseudo-aristocracies that ignore the legitimate cries of those outside their group; the malefic ones may be quite worse.

Eros is love in the sense of 'being in love'. This is distinct from base raw sexuality. Eros is identified as "indifferent". This promotes appreciation of the beloved regardless of any personal, intimate, objective pleasure that can be obtained from them. Therefore the beloved is cherished, not treated as an object to be desired only for the pleasure it can bring. It is the root of romantic love. It is can be the ignition for a relationship that leads to a family. However, Lewis states it cannot sustain itself indefinitely. It burns out, eventually, and requires the more mature forms of love to build a firm foundation upon which to rest. It is the most "immature" form of love, but quite often the most sought after. It can be bad, however, when it is very immature and undeveloped, or when obsessive, because this blind devotion has been at the root of many of history's most abominable tragedies. In keeping with the warning that "love begins to be a demon the moment [it] begins to be a god", Lewis warns against the danger of "idolatry", and elevating eros to the status of a sort of personal "god".

Caritas (agapē), for Lewis, is the unconditional love directed towards the other person which is not dependent on any lovable qualities that the object of love possesses. Agape is the love that brings forth caring of one's neighbor, irregardless of circumstance. Lewis recognizes this as the greatest of loves, and sees it as a virtue that is derived directly from our image and likeness with God. God, being the very nature and essence of Love itself, "is so full, in fact that it overflows". We know of Agape because we receive it, freely, from God. God's innate nature, being Love and His guidance act on our innate love that is a reflection of his image within ourselves, as the sun and rain act on a garden, and so we grow in love for each other, as we respond to His will for our lives. “Love one another as I have loved you.” (John 15:12) Lewis warns that those who exhibit charity must constantly check themselves that they do not flaunt--and thereby warp--this love "But when you give to someone, don't tell your left hand what your right hand is doing." (Matthew 6:3), which is its potential threat.


Give a message of Love to everyone you meet. Let them know that you are there for them, are open to welcoming them, supporting them, and being there for them. Be the face of Christ for all whom you meet. Even the non-Christian will know you are Christian “by your love”.