I'm trying to get around to updating my website.

I have this old poetry page. http://users.rcn.com/lanat/dreambig.html I used to have all the poems all fancy with graphics and music and stuff. I'm fixing everything, to save space on the server.

I wrote this one back in 1999. When you get that horrible feeling that "no one" knows how you feel - tell yourself it's just plain old not true. When you get that miserable feeling that "no one" really understands - tell yourself that's a lie. And I'm not talking about me understanding. Although I may have empathy - that's not where I'm coming from. Anyway, with things the way they've been for a lot of folks lately, I thought I'd share.

Walking Through The Storm

I'm so broken inside...
No one really knows
What I've done, 
How I've let them down.

They see the face I wear
They see what they want to see,
It's just a mask
And who I'd really like to be.

But I can see all the way inside,
Through the smiles,
Down to the tears
Where they gather in my darkness,
I see it all.

The bitterness and the pain,
The meanness and the anger,
And the fear crying in the night.
I see it all.

It's easy to believe
That this is all that's left
Going through the motions
Like an actor on a stage.

Take a bow, and smile,
They don't really know.
Because If they did,
I'm quite sure,
There'd be no one here at all...

But last night I realized
That someone can see me
And all the way too,
Like my skin is clear glass,
And my heart shines right through.

He can see that gleam of light
Buried down beneath the pain,
He can see me for all I am
And love me just the same.

He sees me clearly,
Straight and true.
He loves me completely,
No matter what I do.

And when his eyes are on me,
(As they always were, and will be)
Then I looked back at him,
(And I was so afraid to see!)

But, I finally saw 
That I can let go of my fear,
And blink away the tears,
And gaze into that endless love,
Knowing he sees all of me.

And then I truly do start to weep,
And then I reach out my hand,
To the hand that was always there,

And then he pulls me into his waiting arms.
And I am finally free,
And I finally forgive myself,
And I finally, let it be.

And I leave my burdens there,
And watch then sink beneath the waves,
Into the darkness, away from me.

And we turn,
And we walk together,
Walk in peace,
In the midst of the storm.

Daybreak, 11/9/99
Lisa M. Alekna